I have never done just a personal and practical blog that is not more of a message, but I thought that I should as it brings God so much glory even in the testimony of what He can do in our everyday life! So be blessed and dream big for what He can do in 2014!
Last year, while ringing in the new year at IHOPKC's annual onething conference, I asked the Lord what this year would look like for me. He said the words "health & happiness". While I thought that sounded like a cheesy greeting card for the American dream and not what I would normally consider to be the prayer of Jesus for my life, He began to reveal more of what TRUE health & TRUE happiness would actually look like for me.
I began having issues with eating disorders and being over conscious about food when I was only 10 years old. Yep, in fifth grade I was the little "Regina George" of all my friends and I would give my lunch away so I wouldn't get fat and made all sorts of rules for my friends if they were to be part of my "cool group". That began 13 years of on and off issues and disorders with food and exercise until I was 23, worse that ever and weighing 95 pounds just hoping that if I died I would at least die skinny, I was saved, healed, and delivered by the lover of my soul, Jesus. My eating disorder that had literally held me a prisoner with absolutely no ability for me to escape on my own was taken from me by the precious blood of Jesus spilt for my sins. Yet even though the evil spirit of it was gone, my mind was still sick and needed renewing. I didn't even realize that my paradigm of health was not things that were actually good for you, but food that made you skinny. Coffee, artificial sweeteners, protein bars and powders, canned fish and meat, things that weren't organic and had who knows what in the ingredients, and were made who knows where or when, those were the things I thought were healthy because my idea of healthy was whatever helped you be skinny. In my head, fruit and juices were bad, way too much sugar, carbs are okay but only whole grain ones are good, eat mostly protein sources, whatever way you can get them, and veggies and nuts. I had crazy food allergies and intolerances, constantly felt sick, and was always completely fatigued regardless of my caffeine addiction trying to help it.
But in 2013, The Lord began to actually show me that the things I was putting into my body weren't helping my body at all but actually hurting it. Those things were not made by Him in the way He intended, and therefore weren't giving me the nutrients my body needed but toxins that are harmful. He began to show me that the meat I was eating every day, ya out of a can, isn't even meat and more and is packed with so much preservatives and sodium that there is nothing in it that will help my body. Those protein bars and powders I was eating every day, if you can't pronounce what the ingredient is, He probably didn't make it and it was formed in a science lab. The carbs we eat today with flour and sugar, those go through pretty much the same process as cocaine where a plant that isn't bad is taken and excreted into a white powder that becomes an addictive drug, they too, are not how God originally made them. He also taught me that fruit, though super high in sugar and calories, is awesome for you, and in fact, some juices are even better than the actually fruit because the nutrients absorb into your bloodstream faster. And one of the most profound things He taught me was about caffeine and artificial sweeteners and how bad it is for your body and even your brain. I am so thankful that The Lord taught me what TRUE health FOR ME looks like and that now I eat to give my body the good things it needs to function instead of eating to try and be skinny. I can honestly say my body and health has never felt this good. Also know that health is different for each person, but God cares about how you steward your body, as it is directly linked to your soul and spirit, so let Him take you on your own journey to how He wants your body to be healthy.
The second thing the Lord wanted to teach me what true happiness was, and it is ironic that 2013 was one of the hardest years in my life. Previous to this last year, I thought I knew what happiness was; Jesus and only Jesus! He was the only thing I wanted and nothing else. I desperately had wanted to move to the International House of Prayer in KC and had already waited a while, but the Lord asked if I could wait another year before moving. So in obedience to Him and knowing it would be an extremely hard year, I did a third year of Desperation Leadership Academy, which I absolutely LOVE and am so so thankful for, but this time I wasn't an intern but serving and working for the internship in all things admissions, finance, database, and administration. I also got my first secular job stepping back out into the world for the first time after getting saved. Before all this, I was considered "the prayer girl". I was super legalistic and truly thought that spending time with Jesus alone in a prayer room was the ONLY way that I could love Him. That meant that having to deal with people, serving, friends, anything else, that was all just getting in the way of my loving Jesus time. So, looking back, it was quite humorous of the Lord to put me in a season where I was so busy I couldn't spend ANY time in the prayer room but had to spend ALL my time serving others. The whole year was pretty hard for me, aching to be with the Lord and in the next season, but through it all, Jesus taught me how to LOVE people, and loving people actually became something romantic I got to do in partnership with Him. He broke my heart for missions and intercession. And because I was essentially "failing" (in my own idea of what successfully living for Jesus looked like) the whole year, I had to learn to let Him love me in the place where I couldn't offer Him anything good, and was freed from so much legalism and performance. Even when I moved to IHOPKC finally, it was still hard! I now had plenty of time in a prayer room with Jesus, but I felt so weak and broken in the place of prayer and what I could offer Him in my own devotion to Him. He brought up so many issues that I had never really dealt with and again, I had to let Him love me in the place of my own weakness and depravity.
Yet, as 2013 was coming to a close and 2014 was counting down, I found myself singing, laughing, dancing, and crying between two of the greatest friends God could have ever blessed me with, regardless of the tears, differences, and issues we had to work though all year. I had learned to enjoy them, the gifts from God that they are to my life, and had to learn to allow them to enjoy me. I was at a conference with 35,000 other on fire believers worshiping Jesus where all week I got to see and pray for girls I had discipled and got to love in that last year of life. And I had just got off my face from such an intense encounter with the Lord, ya know one where it is like He connects years worth of prophetic words, Scriptures that have defined you, dreams, visions and the dots of your life, and your world goes from black & white to color. So I rang in the New Year in tears, absolutely weeping at the faithfulness of the Lord. I had learned what TRUE happiness was. It wasn't dependent upon doing everything perfect, a special "someone" in my life, a specific place where I lived, or even outside circumstances. The true happiness He taught me this year was loving Jesus and letting Him love you while loving others and letting others love you, whatever your season or circumstance may look like.
No matter how hard 2013 was, I wouldn't take it back for anything. I am so thankful that I learned how to love and be loved. The Lord spoke some other things for 2014 as He did last year, so I cant wait to share another testimony of His faithfulness and His LOVE. Love you all and bless you in 2014!!!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Monday, December 23, 2013
Who I am to become...
As many of you know, I have spent the last three months at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City as part of the Intro to IHOPKC internship. I really felt the Lord wanted that time set apart unto Him, and to be more cutoff from social media outlets, etc. so I apologize for the extreme lack of communication on my part! But recently, the Lord has really been teaching me about stewardship, and that everything He gives me I am meant to steward it well, my time, my money, and even the things He has taught me. With that said, I am going to take quite a bit of time to "steward" what God has been teaching me in this last season. He provided me the opportunity to come to IHOP-KC and be prepared for Him, and now He is calling me to help prepare others. So I pray that the Lord will touch you and teach you through all that He has been teaching me, so you, too, can go teach others!
I have been beyond blessed to be under the leadership of Matt & Dana Candler as they have stepped into leading Intro. Their hearts burn with passion for Jesus, abandoned love unto Him and others, and truly are such faithful servants of our Lord. Matt has such a great way of leading our hearts and knowing what we need and how we need it ministered to us. I have learned so much from them and am so grateful to continue this journey with them. The first day of class Matt taught us about the specific mandates of IHOP-KC and how that then relates to us, so I am going to attempt to reteach what he taught us through my own personal worldview. Enjoy!
What do you want to do when you grow up? What are you going to do with you life? With your career? Who are the people you need to know? These and many others are some of the questions we are bombarded with our entire lives. What are you going to DO.
For me, this has always been the main focus of my life. I began planning for college in middle school, with high and lofty dreams of success and greatness, always striving in school so that I could go and DO something with my life. I excelled in high school, went to college, but then decided to give myself to even bigger dreams of taking over the world with a life of fame in the modeling/Hollywood industry and really doing something significant with my life. But even now after being saved, I still have the question lingering of what I am going to do. I can be so driven by the next great cause, taking over the world for Jesus, huge evangelistic exploits, and global impact. Every heart has a longing, a natural God-given desire to do things of significance, to be a part of something that matters.
Another question that has driven my life is who you need to know. In Hollywood, it was who I need to know to get me my next gig to get me to the next level of fame. Now it can be what great leader do I need to know, to learn from so I can have as much impact as they've had. Or who do I need to marry? Who am I to my family, my friends, the people I lead? Who you know is another question that tends to drive our lives.
Yet, both of these questions, what I am going to do and who I need to know, if they drive your life and decisions, they put a ceiling on where you can go in God and in life. If those questions are the driving force in my life, then my abilities, my strengths, my opportunities, and who I know will be the only things that dictate my potential, how far i can go, and ultimately the destiny of my life.
So what question do we then need to be asking to live a life without a ceiling of strengths and connections? On that day when I meet Jesus face to face what will actually matter to Him? What will HE ask me? What will actually make my life "great" and help me to live into God's best for my life?
The number one mistake we all make is to decide what we are going to DO, before we decide WHO we are going to BECOME.
Who are you? Who are you without the job, the successes, the failures, the impact, the people you know, all the temporary things of life that can change or be taken away in an instant, what are you left with at the end of the day when it is just you? When we look at the Bible, we don't find much on the job we are supposed to have, the person we are supposed to marry, but we find a LOT of information on who God wants us to become.
Every follower of Jesus and every congregation has basic truths and standards we ALL are to live up to and live out, but just as there are different majors in college, we too, all have different "majors" or things that the Lord has highlighted for specific people as their concentration within the big picture. And we need ALL parts of the Body of Christ to work together with all of their individual focuses in order to actually get that big picture. At IHOP-KC, they have essentially been mandated by God to focus on the identity of Jesus as Bridegroom, King, and Judge. Bridegroom meaning intimacy with Jesus, the one who loves us, protects us, and will do anything to win our hearts. King meaning it is His role to make decisions and rule over the earth. Judge meaning the one who will act upon the things He sees and the decisions He makes. These are not different Jesus's, like today I want the nice Jesus, when I need help I need the other Jesus, and the Judge Jesus scares me, no. It is One Person, just different parts of who He is, who He always is. He is always a King with the heart of a Bridegroom who responds as a Judge.
Colossians 3:3 says, "For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." Your life, your identity, that question of "who am I?" is HIDDEN in Christ, in the knowledge of who HE is. Want to know who you are? Find out who He is and then you will begin to find it.
So what does that mean in light of Him being a Bridegroom, a King, and a Judge? Well as you begin to go on a journey into who Jesus is in those ways, you will find yourself as a bride, a priest, and a pilgrim. When you grow in the knowledge of Jesus as a Bridegroom, you find out that you are His Bride, you grow in your identity as the one that He died for, that He paid for so He could love you, the one that He will protect, provide for, and cherish as a husband does his wife, that you are fought for by a jealous Husband who will do anything to win your affections. When you grow in the knowledge of Jesus as a King, a GOOD King with a heart of your Husband, you find out that He has called you to be a priest, a kingdom of priests, that are made and set apart to minister to Him, to give Him glory, to serve Him in love, to understand the heart of the King and ask Him in prayer and intercession to make just decisions on the earth and release His resources. This is best seen in the context of night and day prayer and worship, for that IS His will, as we see throughout the entirety of Scripture, and how He establishes His government on the earth. And finally, when you grow in the knowledge of Jesus as a Judge, a Judge who is on YOUR side because of the blood of Jesus and will judge in perfect fairness, you find out that you are now a pilgrim, a sojourner on this earth because this world is no longer your home. You live in the light of eternity, storing up rewards in Heaven because that is how your Judge will act on your behalf, by responding to how you loved Him in this age through rewarding you in the next. And you respond in urgency to the hour of His return in preparing others to live in this light as well.
So lets begin to ask the question "who do I want to become?" rather than "what am I going to do and who do I need to know?" And as your grow in knowing Jesus as your Bridegroom, your King, and your Judge you can then focus your life on your identity and who you are BECOMING - a bride, a priest, and a pilgrim. The other questions will be answered out of the overflow of this reality being worked in you. They are always secondary to who you are, and THAT is what is most important to the heart of Jesus for you life - for you to KNOW Him and know who you are in the light of who He is. And know that He is far more jealous to give you revelation of who He is than you are to CONVINCE Him to give it to you.
FEEL the truth of His heart over you and your identity today. Love & Blessings!
I have been beyond blessed to be under the leadership of Matt & Dana Candler as they have stepped into leading Intro. Their hearts burn with passion for Jesus, abandoned love unto Him and others, and truly are such faithful servants of our Lord. Matt has such a great way of leading our hearts and knowing what we need and how we need it ministered to us. I have learned so much from them and am so grateful to continue this journey with them. The first day of class Matt taught us about the specific mandates of IHOP-KC and how that then relates to us, so I am going to attempt to reteach what he taught us through my own personal worldview. Enjoy!
What do you want to do when you grow up? What are you going to do with you life? With your career? Who are the people you need to know? These and many others are some of the questions we are bombarded with our entire lives. What are you going to DO.
For me, this has always been the main focus of my life. I began planning for college in middle school, with high and lofty dreams of success and greatness, always striving in school so that I could go and DO something with my life. I excelled in high school, went to college, but then decided to give myself to even bigger dreams of taking over the world with a life of fame in the modeling/Hollywood industry and really doing something significant with my life. But even now after being saved, I still have the question lingering of what I am going to do. I can be so driven by the next great cause, taking over the world for Jesus, huge evangelistic exploits, and global impact. Every heart has a longing, a natural God-given desire to do things of significance, to be a part of something that matters.
Another question that has driven my life is who you need to know. In Hollywood, it was who I need to know to get me my next gig to get me to the next level of fame. Now it can be what great leader do I need to know, to learn from so I can have as much impact as they've had. Or who do I need to marry? Who am I to my family, my friends, the people I lead? Who you know is another question that tends to drive our lives.
Yet, both of these questions, what I am going to do and who I need to know, if they drive your life and decisions, they put a ceiling on where you can go in God and in life. If those questions are the driving force in my life, then my abilities, my strengths, my opportunities, and who I know will be the only things that dictate my potential, how far i can go, and ultimately the destiny of my life.
So what question do we then need to be asking to live a life without a ceiling of strengths and connections? On that day when I meet Jesus face to face what will actually matter to Him? What will HE ask me? What will actually make my life "great" and help me to live into God's best for my life?
The number one mistake we all make is to decide what we are going to DO, before we decide WHO we are going to BECOME.
Who are you? Who are you without the job, the successes, the failures, the impact, the people you know, all the temporary things of life that can change or be taken away in an instant, what are you left with at the end of the day when it is just you? When we look at the Bible, we don't find much on the job we are supposed to have, the person we are supposed to marry, but we find a LOT of information on who God wants us to become.
Every follower of Jesus and every congregation has basic truths and standards we ALL are to live up to and live out, but just as there are different majors in college, we too, all have different "majors" or things that the Lord has highlighted for specific people as their concentration within the big picture. And we need ALL parts of the Body of Christ to work together with all of their individual focuses in order to actually get that big picture. At IHOP-KC, they have essentially been mandated by God to focus on the identity of Jesus as Bridegroom, King, and Judge. Bridegroom meaning intimacy with Jesus, the one who loves us, protects us, and will do anything to win our hearts. King meaning it is His role to make decisions and rule over the earth. Judge meaning the one who will act upon the things He sees and the decisions He makes. These are not different Jesus's, like today I want the nice Jesus, when I need help I need the other Jesus, and the Judge Jesus scares me, no. It is One Person, just different parts of who He is, who He always is. He is always a King with the heart of a Bridegroom who responds as a Judge.
Colossians 3:3 says, "For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." Your life, your identity, that question of "who am I?" is HIDDEN in Christ, in the knowledge of who HE is. Want to know who you are? Find out who He is and then you will begin to find it.
So what does that mean in light of Him being a Bridegroom, a King, and a Judge? Well as you begin to go on a journey into who Jesus is in those ways, you will find yourself as a bride, a priest, and a pilgrim. When you grow in the knowledge of Jesus as a Bridegroom, you find out that you are His Bride, you grow in your identity as the one that He died for, that He paid for so He could love you, the one that He will protect, provide for, and cherish as a husband does his wife, that you are fought for by a jealous Husband who will do anything to win your affections. When you grow in the knowledge of Jesus as a King, a GOOD King with a heart of your Husband, you find out that He has called you to be a priest, a kingdom of priests, that are made and set apart to minister to Him, to give Him glory, to serve Him in love, to understand the heart of the King and ask Him in prayer and intercession to make just decisions on the earth and release His resources. This is best seen in the context of night and day prayer and worship, for that IS His will, as we see throughout the entirety of Scripture, and how He establishes His government on the earth. And finally, when you grow in the knowledge of Jesus as a Judge, a Judge who is on YOUR side because of the blood of Jesus and will judge in perfect fairness, you find out that you are now a pilgrim, a sojourner on this earth because this world is no longer your home. You live in the light of eternity, storing up rewards in Heaven because that is how your Judge will act on your behalf, by responding to how you loved Him in this age through rewarding you in the next. And you respond in urgency to the hour of His return in preparing others to live in this light as well.
So lets begin to ask the question "who do I want to become?" rather than "what am I going to do and who do I need to know?" And as your grow in knowing Jesus as your Bridegroom, your King, and your Judge you can then focus your life on your identity and who you are BECOMING - a bride, a priest, and a pilgrim. The other questions will be answered out of the overflow of this reality being worked in you. They are always secondary to who you are, and THAT is what is most important to the heart of Jesus for you life - for you to KNOW Him and know who you are in the light of who He is. And know that He is far more jealous to give you revelation of who He is than you are to CONVINCE Him to give it to you.
FEEL the truth of His heart over you and your identity today. Love & Blessings!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Just say "Yes!"
Has God ever asked you to do something? Maybe some thing that is just plain hard, or maybe something that even seems impossible? I know for me, this has been a huge part of my spiritual journey.
I got radically saved two and half years ago. Before I met Jesus, I was a prisoner to the Hollywood scene. I was on an MTV show dating a teen heartthrob, I was a model, and I was living the so-called “dream” of fame, beauty, and worldly success. But deep down I was dying, broken, so full of pain and lies from being in an abusive relationship, and suffering severely from depression, an eating disorder, and alcoholism. It was in that state that Jesus found my little life, set me free from it all, and took me from dead to ALIVE in Him in a moment. I gave my life to this Man who paid it all for me, the One who loved me and died for my sake even when I rejected Him.
So in giving my life to Jesus, that meant my life now had to look different. He showed me His love; His love that held nothing against me, but now it was my job to CHOOSE to love Him back. He gave me His “yes”, therefore I now had to give Him mine. He gave me His life, now I had to give Him mine.
Over the next few years, the Lord taught me what choosing to love and obey Him looked like. I had to say “yes” to giving up modeling, completely. I had to say “yes” to setting aside my friends in that world, including the boyfriend I had been with for years. I had to say “yes” to joining Desperation Leadership Academy because the Lord was calling me to really give my life to knowing Him. I had to say “yes” to early morning prayer meetings. I had to say “yes” to working for free when I used to make tons of money. Then I had to say “yes” to getting rid of what I thought beautiful was- my fake eyelashes that I had wore every day, my bleach blonde hair, hair extensions, tanning. Then I had to say “yes” to gaining weight and weighing what He wanted me to weigh. I had to say “yes” to giving up my Facebook, my twitter, Instagram, all the things that gave me affirmation about how “awesome” I had been. I had to say “yes” to leaving everything from my past life. These were all things that defined who I was before, and I didn’t know who I was without them! I truly had to give up myself and it was some of the hardest things I have ever done.
Matthew 16:24 says, “Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.’”
I had this verse on the wall right by my bed, and every morning Jesus reminded me to take up my cross, to deny who I used to be so that I would find who I really was in Him. He was so patient and tender with me, but He required my life. I had already encountered His power, and so I knew that if I would just keep saying “yes” I would get Him and find true life in Him.
I can’t tell you how hard it was for me to say “yes” to some of those things, things I never thought I could live without holding on to. I cried the whole way through, but in Philippians 3:8 Paul says, “Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of ALL things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ.”
Do you realize that when you say “yes”, “yes” to giving up the things of the world, YOU GET HIM! It truly is a great exchange! He is a Man, He is a Person, the most amazing, kind, patient Person you could ever imagine. He has love unending. He created the heavens and the earth. He knows all things. He died on a cross for ME, that I could be reconciled to Him even though I had been a sinner and didn’t deserve it. He is really coming back and we get to rule and reign with Him for billions and billions of years dependent upon how much we love Him on this side of eternity! Are you kidding me? Why would I not give EVERYTHING for this Man. Even though giving up those things was temporarily hard, I get more of Jesus for eternity. There is NO cost when it comes to love. I would give it all up to know and love that Man more. Those other things I used to hold on to, I count them as trash when I compare it to what I get in Him.
Because I have said “yes” continually to Jesus’ leading in these small areas of my life, He can now trust me to say “yes” in the big things. Luke 16:10 states, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much.” God wants to USE you, He doesn’t want to just take things from you, but He wants YOU, yes you, to be a vessel and a leader in this generation. Did you know that God actually used a donkey in the Bible to bring about His purposes on the earth? If God can use a donkey, don’t you think He can use your little laid-down life? He owns everything! All the money is His, He can speak a word and make the world, so don’t you think He can make anything He wants happen? He just needs those who will say “yes”. He needs the laid-down lovers that will surrender their whole life to Him. He is looking for the willing ones that He can use for the huge things He wants to release on this earth. But He does require EVERYTHING. He requires the “yes” of your entire life.
Matthew 22:14, “For many are called, but few are chosen.” God calls everyone, but the ones that are chosen, the ones that will take this world for God and do the unthinkable for the Kingdom, are the ones that will simply say “yes” to His call. The chosen ones are the willing ones. Will you be one that says, “yes”, no matter how impossible it may seem, no matter how weak, broken, and disqualified you think you are, will you still say “yes” to the purposes of God? He is calling the leaders, the revivalists, the radical lovers that will take nations and take the world for Him. Will you be the willing one that He will choose to do the impossible?
One day I was praying to God and I asked Him, “Lord, what will you give me? What will you give me for your Kingdom?” He immediately said to me, “Melissa, I will give you Southern California. Then once we get that, I will take the entire secular world. This will be the event that prepares my Bride across the earth and ushers in my return.” God wants to do this, God will do this, and all He requires is my “yes”, not because I’m great, but because He wants to do it and He is looking for those who will partner with Him. What will you believe God for in your life? Give Him the “yes” of your little life and just see what He can do.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Shiloh's Song
I want to introduce you to someone, someone very special to me, her name is Shiloh. She is my daughter. Let me tell you her story...
Back when I was 18 years old I fell in love. It was everything I had ever dreamed of, the romance and the love I had wanted my whole life that I never got, and was something I gave my whole life for. I sacrificed it all for love, giving him my heart, future, body, everything. It became an extremely abusive relationship which lasted 3 years.
During that time, I became pregnant. There was no way I could ever bring a child into that environment, nor could I ever fathom the thought of my parents finding out , so we made the decision to have an abortion. It was early enough on that we thought it was only a blob anyways, and doctors affirmed that. We truly thought we were doing the right thing for everyone. And so we did it.
Fast forward 5 years later- to a time where Jesus had pulled me out of my mess, saved me from depression, eating disorders, alcoholism, and pain from years of abuse, and where I was now a leader in the church and going hard after the Lord. But deep within my heart, I still didn't understand why my abortion was so bad and was internally justifying that it was best that I had done it. Besides, if I hadn't, I probably would be dead from my abusive relationship. I wouldn't know Jesus and be with Him forever. So it was a good thing right? I also had such a fear of telling anyone because of how the church can sometimes look at people who've done stuff like that. I really thought I'd be shunned and kicked out forever. I understood that God hated abortion, but I needed help to agree with His view of it.
One night, as I was praying in our 24-hour prayer room, at about 3am, I was reading through Mike Bickle's FELLOWSHIP prayer list. I was praying the "L" for love, and Psalm 139 was at the bottom of the page. I read these prayers everyday and am very familiar with Psalm 139 and so I always skip over it, but this time, the Lord told me to go back. I said, "what?" He said, "Go back and read that." And so I did. I read the words that changed my life forever.
"I formed you IN YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB"
And all of a sudden I was taken into a trance, a vision type thing where I was still in the room, but in front of me in my vision was a little girl all dressed in pink. She looked at me and she said, "Mom, did I matter? Mom, was I legitimate?" I began to weep and I heard the voice of God saying to me, "Melissa, I created her from a dream in my heart. She had a song to sing to the world and she didn't get to. But you're going to sing her song. You are going to sing the Song of the Unborn." And I continued to weep for what seemed like hours as the Lord kept downloading the dreams of his heart for adoption centers and for me adopting a girl someday that will look just like my daughter from a mother who I will lead to Jesus on her way to get an abortion, etc. And Jesus named her, He named her Shiloh, which I found out later is a name that sometimes was given to refer to God Himself.
Beloved, every baby that was aborted, not only were they created with a song to sing, but even now, they have a name, they are a person. If ONLY we would know this truth. If only I had known this truth on that day, my Shiloh would still be here with me, singing her own song. She'd be 5. She'd be going to dance class, twirling around, singing songs to Jesus. But she didn't get to. But friends, we can be a voice. We can be a witness to the truth of this matter.
But another important fact we must remember, from the very lips of Jesus in Matthew 9:13,
"But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Jesus came for me, an adulterous, sinful murderer. He CAME for me, but not only that He FAUGHT for me, I wasn't looking for Him when He came and saved me. He moved people to pray for me because He wanted ME, a dirty sinner. So we can never judge people by what they have done because guess what, Jesus died for that. He spilt His blood for that. Because I have received Him as my Lord and Savior He stands in the courtroom of Heaven and says, "NO, she is NOT guilty. She is innocent because she is MINE." And He looks at me and says, "Beloved, where are you accusers now?" If God is for me NO ONE can be against me, and therefore, we shouldn't be against those people either. Jesus DIED for them and we are never to judge that person because of what they have done. His blood is enough.
I like to picture it this way. A man has a wife whom he loves and adores, and she gets cancer, a cancer that is taking over her life. The husband isn't going to hate his wife because she is sick, no he hates the cancer that is making her sick!! That is how we are, we are the Bride of Christ, and sin is the cancer that kills us. God doesn't hate US, (or that person you think is super sinful and is going to hell), NO God hates the SIN that is killing them and He wants to get rid of it to bring back his poor sick bride to life.
So, let us raise up, as a voice proclaiming LIFE, not speaking death or choosing death, but proclaiming LIFE over people and over the unborn with the love, mercy, and tenderness of Jesus, and to pray that justice would go forth and set free a generation from the chains of abortion. Because the blood of millions of babies, those babies who each have a name, who each had a song to sing, they are ALL crying out for justice. And God can't contradict Himself, in His perfect love He has to bring judgement on the sin and wickedness of our nation, and we AS A NATION are judged for the "child sacrifices" we make. So pray with me:
"God, have mercy on my sins and the sins of my nation. End abortion and send revival to America."
Remember Jesus, remember that He died to save us, poor lost sheep, so entrenched in sin without Him, and remember the POWER of the cross.
Remember Shiloh...
Back when I was 18 years old I fell in love. It was everything I had ever dreamed of, the romance and the love I had wanted my whole life that I never got, and was something I gave my whole life for. I sacrificed it all for love, giving him my heart, future, body, everything. It became an extremely abusive relationship which lasted 3 years.
During that time, I became pregnant. There was no way I could ever bring a child into that environment, nor could I ever fathom the thought of my parents finding out , so we made the decision to have an abortion. It was early enough on that we thought it was only a blob anyways, and doctors affirmed that. We truly thought we were doing the right thing for everyone. And so we did it.
Fast forward 5 years later- to a time where Jesus had pulled me out of my mess, saved me from depression, eating disorders, alcoholism, and pain from years of abuse, and where I was now a leader in the church and going hard after the Lord. But deep within my heart, I still didn't understand why my abortion was so bad and was internally justifying that it was best that I had done it. Besides, if I hadn't, I probably would be dead from my abusive relationship. I wouldn't know Jesus and be with Him forever. So it was a good thing right? I also had such a fear of telling anyone because of how the church can sometimes look at people who've done stuff like that. I really thought I'd be shunned and kicked out forever. I understood that God hated abortion, but I needed help to agree with His view of it.
One night, as I was praying in our 24-hour prayer room, at about 3am, I was reading through Mike Bickle's FELLOWSHIP prayer list. I was praying the "L" for love, and Psalm 139 was at the bottom of the page. I read these prayers everyday and am very familiar with Psalm 139 and so I always skip over it, but this time, the Lord told me to go back. I said, "what?" He said, "Go back and read that." And so I did. I read the words that changed my life forever.
"I formed you IN YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB"
And all of a sudden I was taken into a trance, a vision type thing where I was still in the room, but in front of me in my vision was a little girl all dressed in pink. She looked at me and she said, "Mom, did I matter? Mom, was I legitimate?" I began to weep and I heard the voice of God saying to me, "Melissa, I created her from a dream in my heart. She had a song to sing to the world and she didn't get to. But you're going to sing her song. You are going to sing the Song of the Unborn." And I continued to weep for what seemed like hours as the Lord kept downloading the dreams of his heart for adoption centers and for me adopting a girl someday that will look just like my daughter from a mother who I will lead to Jesus on her way to get an abortion, etc. And Jesus named her, He named her Shiloh, which I found out later is a name that sometimes was given to refer to God Himself.
Beloved, every baby that was aborted, not only were they created with a song to sing, but even now, they have a name, they are a person. If ONLY we would know this truth. If only I had known this truth on that day, my Shiloh would still be here with me, singing her own song. She'd be 5. She'd be going to dance class, twirling around, singing songs to Jesus. But she didn't get to. But friends, we can be a voice. We can be a witness to the truth of this matter.
But another important fact we must remember, from the very lips of Jesus in Matthew 9:13,
"But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Jesus came for me, an adulterous, sinful murderer. He CAME for me, but not only that He FAUGHT for me, I wasn't looking for Him when He came and saved me. He moved people to pray for me because He wanted ME, a dirty sinner. So we can never judge people by what they have done because guess what, Jesus died for that. He spilt His blood for that. Because I have received Him as my Lord and Savior He stands in the courtroom of Heaven and says, "NO, she is NOT guilty. She is innocent because she is MINE." And He looks at me and says, "Beloved, where are you accusers now?" If God is for me NO ONE can be against me, and therefore, we shouldn't be against those people either. Jesus DIED for them and we are never to judge that person because of what they have done. His blood is enough.
I like to picture it this way. A man has a wife whom he loves and adores, and she gets cancer, a cancer that is taking over her life. The husband isn't going to hate his wife because she is sick, no he hates the cancer that is making her sick!! That is how we are, we are the Bride of Christ, and sin is the cancer that kills us. God doesn't hate US, (or that person you think is super sinful and is going to hell), NO God hates the SIN that is killing them and He wants to get rid of it to bring back his poor sick bride to life.
So, let us raise up, as a voice proclaiming LIFE, not speaking death or choosing death, but proclaiming LIFE over people and over the unborn with the love, mercy, and tenderness of Jesus, and to pray that justice would go forth and set free a generation from the chains of abortion. Because the blood of millions of babies, those babies who each have a name, who each had a song to sing, they are ALL crying out for justice. And God can't contradict Himself, in His perfect love He has to bring judgement on the sin and wickedness of our nation, and we AS A NATION are judged for the "child sacrifices" we make. So pray with me:
"God, have mercy on my sins and the sins of my nation. End abortion and send revival to America."
Remember Jesus, remember that He died to save us, poor lost sheep, so entrenched in sin without Him, and remember the POWER of the cross.
Remember Shiloh...
Saturday, August 25, 2012
The Fire of His Love
I am just so overwhelmed and so thankful for the love of God. That jealous love that He has for each one of us individually and with that, I want to share a quick story...
So, last night I was at theMILL, which is our college & twenty-somethings ministry at New Life Church, we were promoting our internship, Desperation Leadership Academy. I was getting ready to share a quick testimony of all that the Lord has done in my life through the program this last year. The Holy Spirit was just so touching my heart during worship as I was overwhelmed with His love and greatness, when out of nowhere, this girl runs up to me with tears in her eyes. She asked, "Is your name Melissa?"And feeling bad that I had no idea who she was, I answered her that I was, and she began to tell me how I had never met her, but two years ago she was at some party, she wasn't someone who went to those kind of things but somehow just happened to be there, and she was so intrigued by me for some reason. She went on to tell me that she asked someone there who I was and they told her I was Melissa Mikkelsen and that I was a model. So, because of fear and intimidation she didn't come and talk to me, but as she went home, the Lord prompted her to look me up on the computer, and God told her to pray for me. So in that moment, she said she sat there just praying over her computer for me and experiencing God's great love for me, her heart breaking for me as God's heart broke for me. And almost exactly two years later, there I was right in front of her, set free from all the chains of death that had been upon me when she prayed for me and living in the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ! And she said in that moment, she could feel the Lord's great delight over me and how happy He was that I was His, that I was there in my Father's arms. Hallelujah! Both of us just got struck with the love and faithfulness of God in the moment and began weeping. I was radically saved just 2 months after she had prayed for me! Wow, how powerful! But can I tell you something even more amazing? She is the third person who has told me almost that exact same story! That the Lord took multiple people through seasons of praying for me, people who didn't know me, people who hadn't seen me in years, He told them to pray for ME! Why? Because He WANTED ME! Me! Melissa! Individually! He wanted me so much that He led other people to pray for me! He wasn't going to give up until He had me. And this is your story.
Romans 5:10 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were STILL SINNERS, Christ died for us." And this truth is about so much more than grace, His grace that covers all my sin and empowers me to live holy and consecrated, that I am forever grateful for. But this truth, mainly, is about His LOVE. He loves us that much in our brokenness, in our sin, in our disobedience to Him, that He died for us, so that we could be HIS, wrapped in His love and His delight over each one of us. In Song of Solomon 8:6, it says that, "for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave." God's love is as strong as death. Do you know what that means? Death and the grave is inevitable, we all eventually will die, there is no escaping it, but that is exactly how His love is for you. You can't escape it, no matter what you do, no matter how many times you mess up, no matter where you hide, His love, His love that is so jealous for your individual heart, is stronger than death. So strong that He will move other people on YOUR behalf, because He WANTS you, He looks down at you, and He says that He won't stop until He has you, all of you.
I so love the reading the Gospels, and learning about Jesus from Jesus, and putting myself right there in the story with Him. And we have so much that we can learn from the disciples. If you look at the lives of Peter and John, the two of them are so different. Peter was a mighty man of God, a great warrior for the faith. We know him as the one that loved Jesus, that would do anything for Jesus. When Jesus asked Him, "Peter do you love me?" over and over again he said, "Lord you KNOW that I love you!" And then we know John, John the Beloved, the one who calls himself, the disciple whom Jesus loved. At times we even can even be like, okay John we get it, we're glad that you know that you're the one Jesus loved! I find it interesting though, that even though Peter was the one who boldly professed and stood on HIS love FOR Jesus, he was the one that betrayed Jesus at the end of His life. John was the ONLY disciple that was there when Jesus was crucified and gave up His life for us. I think that it was in John's knowing God's love for HIM that sustained him, rather than standing confident in his own weak love for God. It is HIS love that holds us, it is knowing HIS love for us that keeps us.
So often we rely on our own striving, our own determination to keep our life in God strong, and I think that there are very necessary ways that we need to live to sustain our life in God. But I have learned that I can't have confidence in my own commitment to God, I can only have confidence in His commitment to ME! It is not our own love that sustains us, it is His passionate, jealous, all-consuming love for US that will sustain us to the end. HE is the One committed to US! And it is only our job to commit to positioning ourselves and our lives in a way to receive that great love that He has for us! Jude 1:1 says, "To those who have been called, who are loved IN God the Father and KEPT for Jesus Christ." God, in His love, KEEPS us, He keeps us in His love, He keeps us in Him, why? For His Son! For Jesus, because the Father promised Jesus a worthy and prepared Bride, and so God is committed to bringing us into fullness because that is what Jesus died on the cross for, for His inheritance, His reward, and you ARE that reward, that YOU would be with Him for eternity.
So let us be the ones, the ones that stand confident in His great, fiery, jealous love for US, not in our own ability to love Him, but being filled with awe and majesty at the God that loves us that much! And in verse 21 of Jude, it says to, "keep yourselves IN God's love," reminding ourselves that WE are the disciple whom Jesus loves, and we would hold on to that truth, abide in that vine, the vine of His love. And that the great revelation of His immense love for us would overflow back to Him as lovesick worshippers of our Lord & Savior who love Him and live lives given up for Him out of the overflow of that deep, incomprehensible love He has for us.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Loving God is KNOWING God
When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples,
“Who do people say the Son of Man is?”
They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”
Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it."
- Matthew 16:13-18
When I think about my life and my own salvation, I mean, my salvation was RADICAL! In a moment, Jesus set me free from addictions, eating disorders, depression, years of lies, bondage, sin, and wrapped me in true love for the first time in my life. It was a supernatural miracle that could only DEMAND a radical response. I had to give Jesus my LIFE.
I almost immediately jumped into a program of radical believers, like I aspired to be, but I quickly noticed my lack; my lack of knowledge of God and the Bible, my lack of understanding, everything! I didn't grow up in church like most of them did, I didn't know the stories, the theology, the verses, the simple truths. I decided right then and there, I had to know it all! I couldn't be "that girl" that knew nothing. So, I bought the One-Year Bible and began my journey to know everything about this God that had saved me.
And I did it, I read the entire thing in a year! I could finally tell people all about the stories, where to find certain things, and the basic outline of this thing we call the Word of God. But something was still missing; I now knew OF Him, but I found that I didn't actually KNOW Him.
I think we, even as the Body, can know the great stories and acts of God, but do we actually KNOW HIM? Do we understand His love? His compassion? His mercy? Have we actually spent time WITH Him enough to recognize Him? Is God just a set of stories we know about, or does He walk with us and have a personal relationship with us everyday?
When Jesus asks Peter in Matthew 16:15, "But what about you? Who do YOU say I am?" Peter KNOWS who Jesus is (the Messiah, the Son of God), not just what other people say that He is. And that could only have come through spending time with Jesus. And when Jesus tells Him, "and on this rock I will build my church", the ROCK that Jesus is talking about is the knowledge of Him! The rock and foundation that the church must be built on is the true knowledge of Jesus, of KNOWING who He truly is, not just what we hear OF Him!
“And THIS is eternal life, that they KNOW you.”
- John 17:3
We can actually KNOW Him, experience Him, walk day by day with Jesus, because He is a REAL man, right now up in Heaven, flesh and blood! A real man that loves me more than I can ever comprehend. And when I see Him face to face one day, when I get to Heaven, I want there to be FAMILIARITY in that gaze, to be memories of our life together, knowing that He is what I have waited my whole life for. He is the reason I wake up in the morning! And I will stop at nothing until every breath, every thought, every second is for Him and His glory. I am my Beloved’s and He is mine, nothing in this world will separate me from His love. And I challenge you to let this be YOUR story.
So, would we be a people who truly KNOW the man Jesus, not just know ABOUT Him, personally and individually, so that one day when we stand before Him, that we would recognize Him, and He would recognize us. Would we be a people living a LIFE of TOTAL abandonment for the sake of knowing Him, willing removing anything and everything that hinders love for Jesus and our ability to experience Him.
You may take three steps forward and two steps back, but never take your eyes off of His gaze. Get back up and run to Him, confident of His love and enjoyment over you even in your struggles, even in your weakness. He is with you every step of this PROCESS, it is a journey, and He does not love you ONLY once you reach spiritual perfection, but EVERY small step ravishes His heart, and that truth is what will allow you to get back up again. He DELIGHTS IN YOU! Not because of what you do, but because of who you are to Him, you are HIS, and He is never disappointed in your messy, not perfect pursuit of Him. You never need to apologize for being radical either, you never need to apologize for being over the top, but allow yourself to be an extravagant lover of the one who IS love, the One who gave His life up because He wanted YOU to be with Him where He is forever. So let us, His Bride, be built on the rock of truth, on the true knowledge of this man.
P.S. Here is a great sermon by the incredible Dana Candler that may help if you want to dive even deeper into this topic :)
Renewing our Pursuit in the Knowledge of God- Dana Candler
Thursday, August 2, 2012
The day I met my Hosea...
Growing up I didn’t know Jesus. I didn’t have hope for eternal life, I only had hope for THIS life, and so my goal was to make the most of my short time here. I was a girl, a girl that in the eyes of the world, had it all. I was a professional model, on magazine covers, calendars, posters, hosting TV shows, on a reality show, dating a teen heart throb, making appearances at huge Hollywood events, thousands of girls looking up to me, people wanting my picture and autograph everywhere I went, I was every girl's dream. I was what everyone would look at and called "successful". It was everything I had ever hoped of being; I was successful, known, and therefore, I was important, worthy, valuable. I had it all, or so it seemed...
On the inside I was dying and broken. I weighed 95 pounds and was physically dying of an eating disorder that took over every moment of my life. I no longer had my own identity, but I had to conform to what the world wanted me to be and look like. I had no real friends, just people who wanted to use me to get ahead in their own life. I myself only wanted to use people for my own success, trying to date as many famous men as I could to get higher in my own social status and reputation. I used people and they used me. I was abused for years, raped, wounded, but it didn’t matter. My heart was broken many times, and so I broke hearts to get over the pain. I was in thousands of dollars of debt in order to uphold this “image” that no one can ever really attain to. So I stole, lied, gave my body for modeling opportunities, compromised my own morals, and cheated people in order to continue to survive. I had abandoned my family because they saw the destruction this life was causing me and I wasn’t going to listen to them. I was a secret alcoholic drinking and crying myself to sleep every night because of the hurt and pain deep within my heart that I could never express. I had thousands of “fans”, guys that thought I was the hottest thing on the earth and girls that looked up to me and I was their “idol”. That’s what I had wanted my whole life, to be known, famous, successful, having people look up to me, though I knew deep in my heart that this was never the life I would wish on anyone else. But to me, it was all I had, it was what I thought made me worthy, valuable.
At my rock bottom point, when I had given up all hope of attaining this worldly “perfection” and literally on the brink of death, I met Jesus. By the grace of God I ended up on the retreat, opened up a Bible to this random story called Hosea about a man that God told to marry a prostitute named Gomer. She kept committing adultery and doing horrible things, but yet he still loved her! And I wondered to myself, “God, could you still love me? After all the awful, terrible things I’ve done, you would still want me?” And the answer was yes. That night people prayed for me and I got healed of my eating disorder, of alcoholism, of depression, of the lies people had spoken over me, and the pain I had experienced my whole life. For the first time in my life, I felt love, and for the first time in years, I felt joy. My life was changed in an instant, and it was right there that Jesus became my everything.
i met my Hosea. The One who loves me and died for me even in my sin. The One that chose me and said "I want HER. She's the one I want to be with me for eternity." The One who fought the realm of darkness and the grips of death over my life, and saved me from my pit of hell. The One that regardless of all my shortcomings, FIGHTS for my heart. The One who is jealous for all of my heart, who wants ALL of me. The One that holds out His hand and helps me back up when I fall. The One that will never leave me, never forsake me, and never love me any less than He did even when I was living in my life of sin. Who is this God? Who is this man, Jesus, that would love me despite all this? He is my Beloved, the One my heart loves and I will stop at nothing to love Him with all that He is worthy of. And He is yours, because YOU are HIS.
On the inside I was dying and broken. I weighed 95 pounds and was physically dying of an eating disorder that took over every moment of my life. I no longer had my own identity, but I had to conform to what the world wanted me to be and look like. I had no real friends, just people who wanted to use me to get ahead in their own life. I myself only wanted to use people for my own success, trying to date as many famous men as I could to get higher in my own social status and reputation. I used people and they used me. I was abused for years, raped, wounded, but it didn’t matter. My heart was broken many times, and so I broke hearts to get over the pain. I was in thousands of dollars of debt in order to uphold this “image” that no one can ever really attain to. So I stole, lied, gave my body for modeling opportunities, compromised my own morals, and cheated people in order to continue to survive. I had abandoned my family because they saw the destruction this life was causing me and I wasn’t going to listen to them. I was a secret alcoholic drinking and crying myself to sleep every night because of the hurt and pain deep within my heart that I could never express. I had thousands of “fans”, guys that thought I was the hottest thing on the earth and girls that looked up to me and I was their “idol”. That’s what I had wanted my whole life, to be known, famous, successful, having people look up to me, though I knew deep in my heart that this was never the life I would wish on anyone else. But to me, it was all I had, it was what I thought made me worthy, valuable.
At my rock bottom point, when I had given up all hope of attaining this worldly “perfection” and literally on the brink of death, I met Jesus. By the grace of God I ended up on the retreat, opened up a Bible to this random story called Hosea about a man that God told to marry a prostitute named Gomer. She kept committing adultery and doing horrible things, but yet he still loved her! And I wondered to myself, “God, could you still love me? After all the awful, terrible things I’ve done, you would still want me?” And the answer was yes. That night people prayed for me and I got healed of my eating disorder, of alcoholism, of depression, of the lies people had spoken over me, and the pain I had experienced my whole life. For the first time in my life, I felt love, and for the first time in years, I felt joy. My life was changed in an instant, and it was right there that Jesus became my everything.
i met my Hosea. The One who loves me and died for me even in my sin. The One that chose me and said "I want HER. She's the one I want to be with me for eternity." The One who fought the realm of darkness and the grips of death over my life, and saved me from my pit of hell. The One that regardless of all my shortcomings, FIGHTS for my heart. The One who is jealous for all of my heart, who wants ALL of me. The One that holds out His hand and helps me back up when I fall. The One that will never leave me, never forsake me, and never love me any less than He did even when I was living in my life of sin. Who is this God? Who is this man, Jesus, that would love me despite all this? He is my Beloved, the One my heart loves and I will stop at nothing to love Him with all that He is worthy of. And He is yours, because YOU are HIS.
"I will make you my wife forever
[betroth you to me],
showing you righteousness and justice,
unfailing love and compassion.
I will be faithful to you and make you mine,
and you will finally know me as the Lord."
- Hosea 2:19-20
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